I LOVE food, but donuts are disgusting, people. (That’s a misleading title then, isn’t it?.) Working out… I have mixed feelings about. Sometimes I can’t get enough. I’m over here pumping iron (aka: consistently lifting little eight pound dumbbells in the air), or taking a crazy incline on the treadmill with the breathing of an over-active Labrador. Other days… Well lets just others day I struggle to get up the stairs or bend down to get my pants off the floor. (Messy room issues are a whole other deal.)
Food is the fuel for our meat suits, and it allows said meat suits to do anything from take on the world to just…take out. Ya know, the good stuff like Americanized Chinese food. That’s the best. Or good pizza. I’m not talking thick crust, crazy, cardboard pizza. I’m talking about some good ole slices the size of your head, enough grease to put John Travolta to shame, and three inch thick globs of cheese with sizzled slices of pepperoni. (I’ll be right back, I need to attend to something…)
So here I am, energy drink easily within reach, with a straw to be more accessible in providing this monster person with enough sodium for several people and electrolytes for batteries…or, ya know…whatever electrolytes are used for. And my unnecessarily large bag of sunflower seeds on my right to provide whatever sodium I somehow missed out from the drink. And I am also… looking at all of the clothes I would like to purchase when I am somehow skinnier. It seems very stupid and hypocritical, doesn’t it? But that’s the thing. Life isn’t perfect, and it’s certainly not easy. I’ve had years spent eating all of the “right” things and working out like a beast, just as I’ve also had the years spent scarfing down enough Twinkies to make the Ghostbusters blush (yes, I know the movie references are annoying, but this is how my brain legitimately works, people.) So I’m one of many people who has been pretty damn skinny, and pretty damn big. But in neither scenario did I really LOVE my body.
I had moments of confidence, a little happy dance here and there. But ultimately it was never enough. I’ve always still been “too big”, or my butt isn’t the way I want it, or my boobs are too small, now they’re too big, and then there’s my double chin. My tubby stomach, flabby arms, and overgrown love handles are the worst. I’m just not happy. And I’ve worked on it. Changed my diet, added exercise, tracked things. No luck. I know it’s a a lifestyle change, but that’s the issue. I can watch what I eat overall, but I’m not one of those people who wants to live life without any of the crap foods. And cheat days have never worked for me. Cheat days become cheat weeks become cheat years become cheat life and all the while I’m becoming Mike Myers in that movie I’m totally not referencing.
And yet I felt just as bad about myself years ago when I was tiny. But my hideous legs were too big. It just never ends. And even though it is not easy in the slightest, that is exactly what I’m trying to fight; my mentality. It’s okay to love yourself for who you are now while working on bettering yourself. Maybe you hate that you have boobs the size of wrecking balls, but hey, you can wreck a bitch with a quick turn if you had to. Or your legs are too thick, but that asshole that just tried to trip you has taken a lovely nosedive into a mud puddle. There ARE reasons to love the body you have now, and you can do that while working towards the body you want. You can cherish your love handles while making them smaller. Say, “Thank you for keeping me warm in the winter and preventing me from breaking a hip that one time, but I need to let you go so I can get on a plane without bouncing around the isle.” Or, “Tummy you have helped me catch things my boobs miraculously didn’t, and you have held many a heartfelt laughs, but I kinda need you to get out of my way so I can paint my toes with ease.” Whatever your body image is, try to see for what it is, then cherish it a little, then gradually say goodbye to it. It’s not easy. It’s not even going to feel like a realistic thing to be able to do. But you can try, I know I sure am.
I, your royal fatness, am by no means a fitness trainer. Guffaw. Or a dietician. But if there is one thing I have learned through the many, many ups and downs with my physical fitness, it’s that nothing will work unless you let it. And beating yourself up all the time, and hurting yourself is only causing more stress and frustration to your wonderful body. Which is in turn causing it to fight you at every turn. Kinda hard to tackle life when you’re kicking your own ass, ya feel me? If you’re either trying to lose weight, gain weight, or anything in between, the first step I suggest is to take a good look at yourself and come up with all of the reasons to love your body, and all of the reasons to thank it, then take your time to let all of those beautiful things go to make room for the new, but still beautiful, YOU.