It’s been a little while, I know. But as I said in a previous post, I’ve started a new job. My new schedule has been a lot to handle, and therefore my other ventures have been skewed. Alas, here we are. I’m on day three of my new job, and while it is not terrible, I’m not sure if it’s the job for me. You see, my newfound plan is to go through a job that pays for schooling so that I can pursue another career that I’m more invested in. The job I currently have has the possibility to lead into that, but no guarantee.
So it’s a 50/50 shot, and that coupled with a severe depression episode today had convinced me that the world is ending, and that my life is a mess, and that whatever decisions I make everyone will judge me for, and I just can’t live with that, omfg… So I had a rough day today. Got up earlier than I ever have before for a job and painfully shuffled my way to the car. Then there was the overthinking. I just thought, and thought, and thought, and thought. God, your brain can be so cruel. And then I spent my break crying quietly in my car, munching solemnly on a chicken sandwich and staring into the void.
That’s where we’re at today. The sky is brewing and so is my mind. Clouds cover everything but my overactive mind. It’s one of those days. I sit here exhausted and lost, but with the tiniest bit of hope in the furthest place of my mind. And that’s life for you. Your mind. Your soul.
Not every day is a smile. Not every day is you sticking to your guns. Not every day is being hopeful and positive. Some days….many days…it’s about your mind being the worst thing in the world. And you hoping to quiet it for just a few hours…or seconds. My heart aches for you, my fellow lost soul. I see your struggle. I feel your pain. You are not alone. Cheers to a better day.