It’s a warm, vibrant day here in quiet “Pennsyltucky” (Pennsylvania). Right outside my apartment window there are birds chirping, people walking their dogs, and squirrels tearing up patio furniture for nesting (or just for shits and giggles). Golden Girls is playing the background, my cat is lazing on a suitcase under my bed, and I am sitting here rambling on, and on, and on….and on…
Today is the day I suddenly decided to start blogging, even if only occasionally. After spending well over a year fidgeting with my site, and belittling my own writing, I finally decided to just go for it. And that’s one of the biggest things I want to get across with my blog. JUST GOT FOR IT. I’m not the most adventurous person, Hell I couldn’t even spell “adventerous”…, but I’d like to think of myself as ambitious. I have millions of hopes and dreams, and most people do. And my severe overthinking, crazed indecisiveness, and just plain ole anxiety put a screeching halt to all ventures before they even come to light. And so many people struggle with the same thing. Every day, and I do mean EVERY DAY, I talk to people who aren’t doing what they want to do with their lives. Some of them just gave up on dreaming altogether. And… it’s one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard of.
People have moments of pure excitement; moments of spastically scribbled notes and Pinterest pins of goal setting, life plans, and bucket lists. A 2:00 A.M. spree through the house with the physical energy and brain flow of a toddler on Pixey Sticks and three cans of Redbull. Ideas, hopes, wants, needs, energy… just pure, unfiltered feelings of LIFE flow through you. And then it’s gone. The random nightly soul searching is absent in mere seconds, with amazing ideas being replaced by the worries of tomorrow. What you feel in your very being is shunned by the thoughts of what society might think. You envision all of the things you want to do with your life, and say you’re going to start tomorrow. Then you go to bed, toss and turn, and eventually fall into an unrestful sleep. And the next day arrives to the sound of a hollering child, obnoxious alarm clock, or, in my case, a cat the size of a medium dog stepping on your temple and meowing directly in your ear.
And that’s it. You get up and go about your day. Job, kids, school, homework, housework, cooking, etc. All of the night’s previous thoughts haunt the back of your mind, but are quieted by the urgent matters of today. And no matter how hard you try to get everything done, there are ALWAYS “urgent” matters. I read a book this past month to help with the constant irritability I have, and in it I read something I’d never otherwise given much thought. The author explains that all of us have “in-boxes”; or a mental list of all of the things we have to do. And we go about our lives tackling this list, and adding to it, and telling ourselves that we’ll just relax and work on our dreams when the list is complete. But it will never be complete. Your “in-box” will never be empty. And that… hit me. I’m not generally a very philosophical person, if you will, but I’m recently getting into self-help, meditation, yoga, and all that good stuff. And this concept was one of the first things of the entire book that really just…hit me. So here we are. I’m typing away, second-guessing every tap of a key, and rambling like I always do. But I’m happy. This blog may not get any traffic, or if it does it might be a lot of negative remarks, but that’s okay. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do. I’ve always wanted to get into writing regularly, and eventually publishing a few books. This venture is one of the many, many things that I want to do with my life. And I’ve been putting it off for over a year.
For my first post, and official, unplanned launch day of my website, I leave you with this wordy, but heartfelt message. It sounds cheesy and carefree, but do what you want with your life. People are going to judge you, they’re going to put you down, you’re going to have doubts. There are going to be mistakes and all kinds of twists and turns. But do it. Please take a moment to really think about all of the things you want to do, and start tackling that list. Keep in mind that just like your “in-box”, it will never be fully completed, but that’s okay. Don’t spend all of your time dreaming and then smashing those dreams with a proverbial hammer. Don’t let other’s judgements and ways of life tell you how to live your life. Be true to yourself, above all else. Make decisions for the life you want. Now. Little by little or all at once. Do it.
If you’ve read this far, know that I am beyond grateful for your time and support. And understand that as another soul in a meat-suit, I genuinely want you to be the happiest and best version of yourself. I hope to walk alongside you in life, and see your chains turn into climbing ropes, and your worries turn into hopes. Head up, love, you got this.